Socially Phobic

May 31, 2007

To be honest,

Filed under: Bad Days,Therapy — iambrave @ 10:22 am

I’ve been feeling a little crazy. Crazy is a word that I decided to cut out of my vocabulary when I started this blog in the belief that a. it was an imprecise word to use to write seriously about mental health and b. it is potentially derogatory, perpetuating stereotypes, blah, blah, blah. But yep – I have a case of the crazies, and I’m actually sort of reluctant to put a label on it because I’m not quite sure what’s going on. Actually, attempting to put a label on it is what I’m going to do right here, shortly.

Don’t worry about me. I’m going to be okay. I think that I have the presence of mind nowadays to know that my moods, my states, my Bad Times don’t last forever.  If I am depressed, for example, one part of my brain is usually tuned into the fact that I may wake up tomorrow feeling completely different (wow, that almost sounds like optimism! This is what 20 years of therapy may be able to do for you – I don’t know why I am being sarcastic about it, given that I am training to be a child therapist. I’ve just been really bored with therapy lately). But yeah, I’ve been feeling shitty and I haven’t been writing about it. I’ve almost been scared to write because of how the crazy might come out of mouth. But then I remembered that some of the reasons that I write this blog are not solely to entertain my five or so readers (not that that isn’t vastly important – love you guys!) but also to try to really use it as a personal journal, therapy, and also as a way to document the way that I feel so that I remember the days, the trends. Because I don’t know about you guys, but it’s really hard for me to remember. That’s how I need to live: I need to chart my mood from day to day. Maybe forever. Diabetics check their blood sugar to keep an eye on the situation, and I need to check my mood. And be able to talk about it coherently, because that is the only way that I am going to be able to navigate the minefield network of mental health professional services which are available for my convenience. To sum up, not writing = bad.

I actually have to stop writing for right this second, but I am happy to be back in the frame of mind to write. I will be back later today to discuss the fun things that happen when I starting trying to go off medication and thinking too hard about babies (ominous music).

Stay tuned…

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