Socially Phobic

July 21, 2007

A brief update

Filed under: Medications — iambrave @ 11:37 am

because it is way too nice outside to be sitting in here writing.

So far, I have:

1. Quit smoking cold turkey on June 13. That’s one month and eight days. Yay, me!

2. Stopped taking Lithium…probably going on two months now.

3. Stopped taking my beta blockers for migraines.

4. Stopped taking Temazepam for sleep…replaced it with Ambien. Some nights, I don’t take anything.

And in the results category:

1. Not smoking is awesome

2. My mood has been OK! I think. I’ve had to work harder on anger management stuff.

3. Had a lot more headaches. I think I’ve figured it out, though, and it has something to do with…

4.  When I’m not all drugged up on benzos to sleep, I seem to grind my teeth a lot more. This is whether or not I take Ambien. I was so happy last night that I slept without any additional meds, but less thrilled that I woke up in pain. I have to get used to my device that keeps me from grinding my teeth. I can’t remember what it’s called. It’s uncomfortable, but I think I need it. I am going to a physical therapist on Monday to see if they can help with the muscle portion of my headaches at all. I am planning on asking whether they have any recommendations for different types of pillows so that I don’t wake up so sore. I’ve never had much luck with those Tempeurpedic ones.

So, that leaves me with good old Xanax XR. Dear old friend, the last one to go. Still at 2 mg./night, so I haven’t been sleeping with no drugs whatsoever. I’ve been trying my damnedest not to pop the little 0.5 mg. ones to minimize the psychological dependence. Nonetheless, around 9 p.m., I start jonesing for that XR. I know that part is psychological, given that I read that it actually only has an 8-12 hour effect and I take it once a day.

I had decided to take it slow on going off of the Xanax, so I’m not seeing my doc again until the beginning of September. I sort of want to find a new doctor, because I’m not sure that I trust his game plan. I’m not sure that it’s slow enough, to be specific. And I don’t really feel like I can talk to him. I don’t think he’s an asshole, per se, there are just certain things. He told me that it would be fine to take Xanax during a pregnancy…it’s a class D drug. See, that doesn’t seem right to me. I don’t think a doctor should ever be as confident as he was about that about anything, let alone a drug in that category. If he would have said something to the effect of “I think that the benefits outweigh the risks here, but it is a calculated risk”, I would have felt much more comfortable. I didn’t want to call him out on his medical knowledge…I don’t think it’s my job to correct him…but now I am at the point with him where I just tell him what I want to do in terms of meds and there is no open dialog. I would like to believe that there is a psychiatrist out there with whom I could have a better relationship. I may seek a referral.

I have also been taking a break from therapy, which may seem ironic given the stress that I have been putting my body and mind through. I don’t know, I just got to the point where I was dreading it. I would also like to be at a place where I don’t need external validation for every single decision I make…more on that some other time.

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