Socially Phobic

March 26, 2007

I have

Filed under: Social Phobia — iambrave @ 5:11 am

another blog. The problem with that blog is that people know about it. People that I know. I don’t want them to know about this blog. At least not yet. I got brutally honest one day on my other blog and then I panicked about it for quite a while. The post is still there. It made me feel good to be honest, but it also made me feel really, really bad. If you don’t have social phobia, which is really just a clever name for saying that your brain spins constantly with the insane pressure of wondering constantly what the rest of the world is thinking about you, you may not understand.

I’m in school. For psychology, ironically enough. I’m just getting started, but I’ve learned enough to realize that mental illness is comparatively rare. Rare enough that when you think that there’s a good chance that the people sitting next to you may not understand what you’re going through, you’re probably right.

Why another blog? Why not take secret thoughts to pen and paper? Well, my writing muscles have devolved to the point that when I try to write instead of type it hurts like hell. So, then, why not just type pages on my computer and save them to the hard drive and let them lie there like the secrets that they are? I guess there’s something intoxicating about publication. Even if no one ever reads this shit. Not that so many people read my other shit. But enough do that I need another, secret blog. I don’t know if I’ll ever tell anyone about this. I don’t know if I will even tell my best friend in the whole world who is really the only one who knows in real life how fucking scared I am all the time. The only people that I know for sure right now that I want to read this are people who may happen to be searching for things in the middle of the night because they are scared too and if someone types in social phobia they may happen across me. You people, there, in the middle of the night, this is for you. You are not alone.

Well, hell, I was lying in bed and I felt the unmistakable urge to write and I know enough about writing to know that if you want to be a writer, like me and millions of other people out there, you need to get up right then and there and make it happen. The thoughts, the ways that the words come together, may only strike once. But now, for all of my bitching about how much it hurts when I try to put an actual pen to actual paper, my wrists are starting to ache. Ironic, isn’t it?

But at least I know, now, that this is here. I have a secret right now, and as stupid a secret as it might be, I know that I have this outlet and it will be here when I need it.  Socially Phobic, my new best friend. I’m glad that you are here.



  1. I completely understand this. I have another blog too, where I am fairly open and honest, but I just don’t go into the stuff that I am using “MoodBlog” for. It really does help to have a completely secret, anonymous place to talk about my mental health struggles–yet to know I’m sharing it with some like-minded people. I’m glad I discovered your blog and I look forward to reading more.

    Comment by moodblog — April 9, 2007 @ 11:55 am

  2. I’m glad that you found my blog, too! It’s great to keep finding more people who are going through similar things.

    Comment by iambrave — April 10, 2007 @ 1:15 am

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